Managing Stress in the Face of a Defiant Toddler
My oldest really got to me last night. All I needed was for him to wash his hands before dinner. This is a normal the routine that he has been doing for months. He enjoys washing his hands! He likes watching the soap bubbles squish as he rubs his hands together. We even have a hand washing song. It's a non issue.
Not today.
It started with "No." It's a uniquely frustrating word, and guaranteed to get my hackles up. We've dealt with "No.", though. We know what to do. I get down on his level and explain the plan in detail. I make sure he knows what's going to happen and that I am listening to him and care about him. We can get over a simple "No."
"No!" He put some oomph on that one. There's also a little grin, like he knows that daddy is going to make a funny face in a second. I swear I was supposed to have more time before my kids got a kick out of busting my balls. He's two and a half! Still, I take a deep breath and explain again that we have to have clean hands before we can eat dinner. Doesn't he want to eat dinner? Come on bud, let's go wash our hands.
"Nooo!!!" The smile comes with a little dance now. Like his little body can't contain how excited he is to be fucking with his dad. Deep breath. Let's take it as a good sign that he feels safe enough with me to go with open defiance. Or does that mean that he doesn't respect me? Am I giving him a fun set of authority issues that will follow him the rest of his life? Maybe the right thing to do is hit the ceiling right now? A little tactical detonation?
"No!" With a delighted chuckle this time. Shit, he's cute. He knows it, too. Deep sigh. OK, no tactical detonation today, but he can't be getting away with not washing his hands either. Not after I told him he had to. OK bud, I'm going to count to three before I pick you up and we go wash your hands. One... Two... Three!
"Noooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!"